America has shocked the world with an unexpected Donald Trump re-election, shaking up nations with his extreme policies, creating a scary and dangerous place for many, especially, minority groups, like transgender people and immigrants. And with Kier Starmers Tory-in-a-red-tie act, talks of politics have taken place in places where it is usually taboo: work places, family homes and date nights. Which begs the question: could you date someone with a different political view than you?
When it comes to how you vote and which way you lean politically, it can turn into a selfish game. This is because most people make their decisions based on how their vote will benefit them. For some, this can be easy. For others, there can be a lot to factor in when making what they see as the ‘right’ decision. As a white woman, there are already so many things that have to be taken into consideration when it comes to deciding which party would benefit me the most, like reproductive rights and equal pay. However, for a person of colour, or a member of the LGBTQ+ community, the same decision can become much more difficult and complex.
Even when you try to avoid it, politics inevitably seeps into our everyday lives, whether that is casual debate with friends, something questionable your nan has said or just hearing it on the news; it’s always looming. As people get older, and gain more of an understanding of the world, they tend to control this by creating friendships or relationships by aligning political morals and beliefs.
These discussions entered my workplace, and when I asked my colleagues if they could date someone with differing political opinions, I was met with mixed reactions. Some said a very quick no, others said yes and the rest were left on the fence, adding to the hypothetical question: how different? And how extreme?
I conducted a survey across social media to see what the general public had to say, and much like my colleagues, the results swayed towards the middle. Although 55% of participants chose “it depends”, after reading through the answers, even people who had chosen “yes” fit closer into this category. With 20.4% of participants having said yes, they could date someone with a differing political opinion, with the small catch that politics “just aren’t talked about”. But is this actually able to translate to real life?
The saying goes “you should never discuss religion or politics at the dinner table” and this has become a general rule of etiquette and has been cited in print since around 1840. This started specifically in saying that it shouldn’t be discussed with people who have opposing views than you, and then moved to a more
general setting in 1879, then in 1961 the saying was popularised by the Peanuts comic strip. (“Never talk about religion or politics”…)
But in this day and age, most rules of etiquette are not followed, like talking about money. I was always taught that it was rude to discuss money with others, however, it is now a very common thing to do, and can be very beneficial in the workplace. TikTok trends surface during big family holidays, poking fun at people being ready to annoy their older family members with what they would consider controversial political opinions.
People have whole social media pages dedicated to politics, they discuss their views at work and the pub, the world has gone through a massive political shift, where it is simply unavoidable. In the last year alone we have seen the west move towards conservatism, trad and mormon wives have become one of the most watched videos on TikTok, with people aspiring to live their lives. We are watching free speech be stamped out by the same people who use ‘free speech’ whenever they make a bigoted remark. Reform have made promises to ban the flying of flags that aren’t the England flag or the Union Jack, and across the pond, Donald Trump is targeting international students who show their support for Palestine.
Many people have said they would take into consideration how extreme their views are before seeing if it could work for them, and this works no matter who you vote for. However, most of the survey takers in the ‘it depends’ category, have agreed that they can look past views that do not harm or offend other people.
One surveyee wrote: “It depends on how different and how many of their views are different from mine. There are also certain views that would be an instant no, like racism, homophobia, transphobia and misogyny.” Others believe that exposure to differing world views and perspectives widens our own understanding and awareness.
Throughout the survey there was a divide as to whether or not morals and politics go hand in hand, which is also an ongoing debate in everyday life too. With some people in the survey saying they could date someone as long as their overall morals aligned. On the other side, some of the participants that said no, said that they need their morals to align. Despite these answers sounding very similar, they hold very different meanings.
Morality is generally considered a set of personal or social standards for good or bad behaviour and character. Everyone has the same overall morals, for example, most people agree that killing, and stealing is bad, however some people can interpret these things differently, and this often aligns with your political views where context is always relevant.
For someone to want their overall morals to line up with the person that they are dating, it gives them a broad category to agree on, whereas for someone to need their morals to align with their partner, it is much more of a specific agreement. It is the difference between agreeing that a mother would kill for their child, but looking down on mothers crossing dangerous borders to protect their child, and needing them to agree that both are the same (quote taken from @samyee_33 on TikTok).
After exploring both sides of the argument, it has been difficult to find an obvious answer, other than it depends. I agree that exposure to different views and opinions helps people become more open-minded and well rounded, and I would be lying if I wasn’t partial to a political debate. However, I also want a partner who respects my views and doesn’t start arguments over news headlines. And it seems the majority of those from the survey felt the same way.
Everyone is well within their rights to date anyone, and everyone has their own boundaries, for me, it is to never shag a Tory.